Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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