I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
