He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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