Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
