Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
