Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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