Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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