Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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