The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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