the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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