Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
