I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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