i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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