Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
