so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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