Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
