I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
