I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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