She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
