Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
