is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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