She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
