you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
