Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
