I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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