I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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