and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
