Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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