toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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