My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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