I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
