I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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