i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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