At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
