Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
