There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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