I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
