ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
