I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
its liver damage thursday
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