I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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