I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
