This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So squirting runs in the family.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
