Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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