she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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