If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
