Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
