your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
