I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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