he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
