Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
