It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
