I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
