god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
