I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
