But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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