Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you had me at cake vodka
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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